Grief and loss can be a challenging and confusing experience for anyone, but for children, it can be especially difficult to navigate. Their understanding of loss is still developing, and they may struggle to express their emotions or even fully comprehend what has happened. As parents and caregivers, it’s important to provide the support and tools children need to process grief in a healthy way, but for many adults this can be difficult to navigate. Below you will find my child therapist tips to navigate these delicate conversations to help children with emotional resilience while honoring their unique journey through grief.
Talk About the Loss: When talking with children about grief, it's important to be clear, direct, and sensitive to their developmental level. One helpful approach is to keep conversations factual and simple, avoiding long explanations that might confuse them. Cognitively, children think concretely and less abstract so use concrete language, like saying "died" and “they won’t return to earth” instead of euphemisms like "passed away" or "went to sleep," which can be misleading or even frightening for children. This helps them understand the reality of death and prevents misunderstandings that could increase confusion and worry. Keeping the conversation short and open to follow-up questions allows children to process the information at their own pace.
Understand the Grief Process: Grief is a normal response to loss and children often experience grief very differently than adults. They may initially seem unaffected or show little outward expressions of emotions, which can be confusing and sometimes even alarming to caregivers, but this is a common initial child response to loss. As they begin to process the loss, feelings of separation from the person who has died can emerge, often presenting in various responses including follow-up questions, emotional outburst, acting out, sadness, and worry about others dying. Sometimes, instead of expressing sadness directly about missing their loved one, children might exhibit frustration, anger, or general worry. Acknowledging these reactions as part of their grief and slowing down to offer understanding in short calm conversations can be important in helping children to navigate big emotions while grieving.
Help Memorialize and Honor:
Helping children honor and remember a loved one who has died can be a comforting way for them to cope with grief. Encourage them to share memories, whether by talking about special moments they recall or drawing pictures that represent their feelings. Looking at photos together or creating a memory box filled with mementos like favorite belongings or keepsakes can provide a tangible way for children to show love for the person who has died. These activities not only help keep the memory of the loved one available to them, but also offer a safe space for children to express their grief emotions and preserve a lasting fondness and love they feel for their loved one or friend.
Children grieve differently than adults so they need more tangible and concrete ways to express their grief, feel comfort, and accept support. Some of the best ways for caregivers to support children as they grieve is to look for the many ways they communicate through their interactions and even play with others and help them connect it to their experience of grief and loss. Children will likely not sit and talk about sadness as adults do, so consider playing, drawing, or reading books about grief together to help them express their emotions in ways that are easier and more effective for them. Remember, grief happens over time and with no timeline, so offering ongoing comfort with extra affection and understanding can be a great support to a grieving child.
Written by: Jennifer Wilmoth, LMFT
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