“Gross! I don’t want to eat that!”
“Oops, I spilled the milk on the floor. Again.”
“Is this over yet? Can I go now?”
When your kids are young, family dinners can be chaotic and challenging. Between picky eaters, bickering siblings, and food messes that end up on the floor, it’s no wonder that many parents come to dread mealtime as a family. As kids get older, sports practices and other academic or extracurricular activities can also get in the way of family dinners. Parents may begin to wonder: Is eating dinner together as a family really as important as people say?
The short answer is yes! Research over the years has shown that regular family meals offer a wide variety of physical and social-emotional benefits for both the parents and their children. These include: better cardiovascular health, higher academic performance, lower risk of substance abuse and depression, a greater sense of resilience and self-esteem, and the list goes on.
So now you may be thinking: That sounds great…in theory. But how do I actually tap into these scientifically proven benefits for my family? Is it possible to have mealtimes together that are manageable and enjoyable? Yes, absolutely! Here are three tips to help you build thriving family dinners with your young children.
Have Some Self-Compassion- Perhaps you had to rush home from a long day at work to start prepping for dinner while hungry and angry children await you. Perhaps you feel guilty that the meal isn’t as colorful or nutritious as you’d like it to be. Perhaps you don’t think you can hear another one of your children complain about the food you put on the table. It’s okay to acknowledge that putting together family dinners is often a stressful, thankless job that doesn’t always bring out the best in you. This is where self-compassion comes in. Taking a deep breath and acknowledging that you’re doing what you can in the moment can help start family dinners on the right note.
Create a Positive Atmosphere- The atmosphere at the dinner table can significantly impact how enjoyable the meal is for everyone. The point of family dinners is to connect as a family and come away remembering it as a positive time together! Put the screens away, and use this time to talk about your day, tell stories, or discuss interesting topics. You can find a lot of resources online for conversation ideas that are fun and age-appropriate for the dinner table. On the flip side, avoid using dinner as a time for discipline, heavy topics, or power struggles over foods your children are refusing to eat. Your children may not remember exactly what was said, but they will remember the safe feeling they had from spending this consistent time together.
Embrace the Mess -Dinnertime with young kids can be a loud, messy ordeal. When all you wanted was a straightforward meal without food flying or toddlers screaming, family meals with your young children can be particularly exasperating. Try to reflect on your expectations for family dinners with your children. Are your desires for peace and order consistent with what your children are able to provide in their stage of development? Embracing the mess and noise of eating with young children could help you temper any unrealistic expectations and better regulate your own emotions. You may even find that you’re starting to enjoy the chaos and the unexpected things your children will say and do during these family dinners… even if it is spilled milk on the floor.
Creating a successful family dinner with young kids takes a lot of effort and patience, but with these tips, you can make mealtime an enjoyable and meaningful experience for everyone. By learning to have compassion for yourself as the parent, creating a positive space for your children during the meal, and embracing the mess and the chaos, family dinnertime can be remembered as a wonderful and special time for the entire family. Happy dining!
Written by: Gloria Huang, AMFT
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