Building Resilience in Children with a Cultural Heritage

Like many other Asian Americans, I have my own personal story of learning to balance expectations and define my identity while straddling different cultures. Now, as a parent, I want to make sure that I am helping my three children build their own resilience. 

But how? This blog post explores three key tools that parents with a cultural heritage can provide to their children, to help them overcome unique challenges and learn to thrive.

Fostering Emotional Expression

One of the most natural reactions of parents in any culture, including various Asian cultures, is to react strongly to their children’s negative emotions. “Why can’t they just be happy and grateful?” is the usual refrain. This is often rooted in cultures that promote the showing of only positive emotions, since negative emotions indicate a breaking of the broader peace.  

However, for children and adolescents, holding in negative emotions can create internalized stress and hinder the development of healthy coping mechanisms. While it may take time to respond differently to your children, intentionally choosing to respond with empathy and curiosity rather than irritation or anger can help you provide a safe space for your children to explore their emotional worlds. Often, they begin to better regulate their emotions themselves, because they are allowed to process difficult experiences and seek help when needed.

Building Strong Social Connections

If your child feels disconnected from both their family’s culture and the mainstream culture around them, they can have strong feelings of loneliness and a lack of belonging. One of the key components of resilience is the presence of strong, supportive relationships. Having a place where they can feel comfortable in their own skin, even as they begin to grapple with their cultural identity, can help these children develop a strong sense of self.  

These relationships can come from peers who share similar experiences or from mentors and trusted adults who can help guide them through their challenges. Even one or two people with whom your child feels a sense of belonging and confidence can go a long way. Another approach is through participation in extracurricular activities, such as through cultural centers, church, community service, sports, or arts. All of these can help our children form meaningful connections with others. 

By creating supportive communities that can help our children find people who understand and value their experiences, you help provide an emotional safety net for them. This support network can also act as a source of strength when dealing with the pressures of cultural expectations, school stresses, or social challenges. 

Promoting a Growth Mindset

Resilience is not just about coping with challenges—it's also about empowering our children to envision a future filled with possibilities, possibilities that can be achieved through effort and learning. Within certain Asian cultures, this mindset is often silenced when failures are heavily highlighted while successes are downplayed. 

Helping your children develop a growth mindset means encouraging them to see setbacks as learning experiences rather than as failures. This perspective encourages them to persist in the face of difficulty and helps them maintain a positive outlook when they encounter obstacles. It also empowers them to take risks and explore new opportunities, knowing that growth often comes from stepping out of one’s comfort zone. As adults, we too are always learning and growing in our role as a parent, so look to this as an opportunity for both you and your children to develop a growth mindset together. 

Lasting Resilience

Resilience is about overcoming adversity, but it's also about recognizing and embracing one's strengths, values, and experiences. Children with a cultural heritage possess a unique strength shaped by their cultural backgrounds, personal histories, and the challenges they've faced. By supporting our children in expressing their emotions, building social connections, and growing from failures, we can help them define their identity on their own terms and build lasting resilience. 

Written by: Gloria Huang, AMFT